In the Aftermath of Tragedy: Helping Children Cope
By Marie Holmes

Parents and educators all over New York City and across the nation struggled to comprehend the events of September 11 while facing an equally difficult dilemma: what to tell children. Education Update recently had the opportunity to talk with child psychologist Dr. Rex Forehand, of the University of Georgia, about ways parents and educators can help children cope during these difficult times.

Dr. Forehand recommends that parents limit the amount of exposure that their children have to the media, and that parents watch television with their children so as to keep communication open.

While screening television programs may not be a viable option with older children who spend more time unsupervised, it is equally important that parents let their children know that they are there to talk with them about what has happened. Parents and educators can act as sounding boards for the thoughts and concerns of adolescents, engaging in respectful, productive dialogue.

Since informal conversations will surely be going on among students, by incorporating those conversations into the classroom, teachers have the opportunity to guide discussion, to help students think through complex issues and to use the situation as a learning opportunity. Students can use recent events not only as a starting point for academic projects on topics such as international relations, but also as a chance to explore appropriate ways of handling difficult situations and to strengthen problem-solving abilities. Teachers may want to prepare students for these discussions by announcing that they will put aside class time to talk about what has happened, giving students the opportunity to reflect and formulate questions.

Colleges can help students by providing forums for group discussion in residence halls and other gathering places on campus, although such discussions should by no means be mandatory. Young adults will make their own decisions about how to handle what has happened and they need the freedom to do so.

Every child needs to know that he or she is safe, but how can we offer reassurance to those children who were most affected by the attacks, losing parents or other caring adults in their lives? Dr. Forehand says that caregivers for these children should acknowledge that a terrible thing has happened and try to give the child a sense of security by telling him or her, “I’m here now and I’m going to take care of you.” Losing a parent is, of course, a long-term process and children who have had a parent die will need the support of mental health professionals.

Children who were directly affected by the tragedy may need to work out a structure that allows them some time before they return to school. However, the continuation of a normal routine can provide reassurance and a necessary sense of structure. Dr. Forehand recommends that other children continue to go to school.

All children should be reassured that caring adults are looking after their safety and are there to talk to them about what has happened. But, parents’ reactions do not need to be universal. “In reality,” says Dr. Forehand, “there are no two kids who are alike. There are key things that [parents] need to do, but then you have to adjust that to the needs of your own child.”

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