FROM THE SUPERINTENDENT'S DESK
Teaching Children How to Value Themselves and Others
By Dr. Carole G. Hankin
with Deborah French
There’s been a lot of talk about self-esteem in schools in recent years, and indeed, fostering self-esteem has been part of many schools’ character-building programs. But what exactly is self-esteem — and how can it be taught?
Here are a few ways you can help your child develop intrapersonal intelligence and positive self-esteem:
Actively look for opportunities to show your child how valuable he or she is to you, to your family and to the community. Hugs, love notes, and even spending time talking about your child’s interests are all simple ways to convey his or her worth. Be sure to listen to what your child has to say. If you can’t always stop to listen at the moment, plan a time to sit down to talk — and keep your commitment!
Offer praise, not only when your child does something well, but also when he makes a good effort; avoid criticism that might discourage her from trying again, or from tackling new challenges.
Help your child evaluate inappropriate behavior or words of others. When your child is the target of name-calling, bullying or the like, rather than encouraging a desire to get even, point out some of reasons the other child may feel a need to lash out. If your child makes unkind comments about others or repeats a critical comment she’s heard, ask her to consider how she’d feel if someone said the same things about her. Helping your child respect others encourages him or her to have self-respect.
When your child is overly critical of himself over a perceived (or real) failure, point out his strengths, and encourage him to do his best, but also to recognize that everyone’s talents and skills are different. Likewise, if your child does exceptionally well at something and responds with boasting, this is a good opportunity to point out that while she may be better than others at some things, everyone has gifts and talents that should be recognized. Rather than criticizing, tell your child how pleased you are that she did so well, while encouraging her to acknowledge the strengths of others.
Develop and model your own self-esteem. Children mirror their parents’ positive attitudes and behavior, and are very quick to pick up on inconsistencies. When you’re able to demonstrate confidence in yourself, your child will be much more likely to recognize his or her own intrinsic worth, to value others and develop strong relationships, and to become a confident and successful adult. #
